WILL YOUR GRANDCHILDREN BE JEWISH?
I am moved by the anguish of Jewish parents and
grandparents over the future of their families' connections to Judaism.
In this essay I wish to explore the all-too- common predicaments and
their solutions, given the elders' life-long hope that their religious
affiliation would be extended to future generations Instead of getting
to watch with satisfaction their children and grandchildren inspired by
the beauty and wisdom of Judaism, too many grandparents have been
experiencing deep sadness when contemplating that their descendants and
the Jewish community are parting ways. The losses are in the millions
since World War II and this tragedy is only getting worse..
The predicaments to which I refer are all the
different ways that children and grandchildren leave Judaism. They
include intermarriage along with many other modern distractions or
spiritual/philosophical problems. Intermarriage of your children will
definitely have a serious impact on whether the grandchildren will be
Jewish. It doesn't have to be a complete disaster though; its future can
be shaped to a large extent. In almost all cases the Jewish spouse and
his/her children will experience a variety of tugging that make a Jewish
life difficult. This could result from the attempt to blend Judaism
with another religion whose fundamental beliefs are inconsistent with
ours. There can even be far more serious demands such as baptism or
parochial school, etc. I don't want to dwell on intermarriage at this
time; rather I want to concentrate on what parents and grandparents can
do to stem the tide of departures. I have suggestions for family and
Jewish communal life that will keep the young people within our faith in
a strong, healthy way.
Sometimes the predicament is merely a distancing on
the part of the offspring based on the current politically-correct
beliefs or the in-vogue scientific theories.
There are many examples of each. The former would include relativism
such as all major religions being equally correct and people-friendly or
the notion that Judaism is now superfluous to our ethically enlightened
society. The latter might include a young couple's decision not to have
their boys circumcised, not to observe the dietary rules, and so on. I
feel that many of these nightmares can be avoided by a more viable
Judaism.
The large majority of losses to the Jewish families
are not all that dramatic. Jews are leaving in very large numbers but
quietly. Jewish practice and affiliations decrease to practically
nothing. Visualize hundreds of thousands of Jews, a huge crowd, walking
away from us without a sound. In reality, holidays have fewer
celebrants each year, the synagogues get gradually emptier, there is
less interest in Jewish education and social services, and all the
institutions have a harder time finding time, energy, and funds. This
essay is not about the young adults mentioned above; it is not about the
specific problems within families. We want to know where the
disappointed parents, grandparents, and Judaism in general, are
going wrong and how things can be corrected.
My solution has three components. In other words, a continuing and even thriving Judaism will require a three-fold approach.
- An interpretation of Judaism that is different than the ones currently offered and that returns to our basic principles
- Parental involvement in line with the interpretation of Judaism in 1.
- Institutional reform in line with the interpretation of Judaism in 1.
1. A New Interpretation of Judaism Is Necessary
The major Jewish denominations are trying every band-aid
measure to stop the hemorrhaging without asking the most basic
question: are future generations being offered a viable form of
Judaism. I, of course, believe that they are not.
We need to stop scurrying about looking for stop-gap measures and
concentrate on the really big question, the one that requires deep and
brave thinking: are the young being given good reasons to stay Jewish.
As I have written in other essays neither the orthodox nor the
liberal denominations are offering a Judaism that can carry our religion
into the distant future. Parents can only pass along to the children
what their religious leaders
are teaching. We have today the choice of an excessively demanding
orthodoxy and a Judaism-is-whatever-you-want-it-to-be liberal
orientation. Neither one is satisfying to the hundreds of thousands of
Jews who opt out every generation. In brief, the large majority of Jews
regard orthodoxy as so overloaded with rules and regulations as to be
unbearable. On the other hand, the liberal approaches are far removed
from the specific suggestions and overall philosophy of the founding
documents; their Judaism consists mostly of physical trappings and
cultural details (language, culture, foods, humor, etc.) mixed with the
present day notions of good behavior. This approach is incapable of
inspiring/motivating.
Of course the Jewish leadership is doing a lot of hand-wringing and
pretty much regards the present trends as impossible to reverse. They
blame too much competition from other spiritual outlets, too much
materialism, lack of outward pressure to remain Jewish, or lack of
segregation. I think most rabbis feel that in a non-Jewish society we
cannot compete for the attention of the next generation. These aspects
of modern society do present challenges but they would not be
insurmountable if approached by a more logically sound, people-friendly,
but idealistic Jewishness. If you ask most leaders what can be done to
save Judaism, they unfortunately have no ideas; they can philosophize
and rationalize but as for making changes in what they have been doing
for decades, they are paralyzed.
Strangely, there are even a fair number of Jews and their leaders who
think we are doing well, who don't see any problems at all. This is
amazing to me because if a person studies participation in Jewish
religious or social activities
over time or merely talks to a fair number of families, he cannot help
becoming depressed.
Jews need another choice. Fortunately we don't have to create this
"new" choice. Rather we only need to go back to the simple but inspiring
fundamentals of our religion. This is where my Back-to-Basics Judaism
can help. We need to remove much of the heavy baggage (as in rules and
regulations) and then add a mission that's worthy of the next
generation's energies.
The fact that the Jewish people have a special role to fulfill in
this world,
namely, to demonstrate the benefits of our laws/values, is so
important. The
idea of "mission" or being "chosen" for a purpose is very politically
incorrect
these days but young people and really everybody wants some life-long,
building-a-wonderful-society type of meaning to their lives. Everyone
wants their life attached to something beneficial to humanity,
something serious and long-lasting. You would never hear this type of
authentic Jewish zeal
from today's more vocal leaders. Instead they harp away at how we have
nothing unique to offer, that the only thing unique about us is our
past. That message is coming through loud and clear to your children and
grandchildren, causing them to reason that Jewishness is a cute bit of
family history, the source of
some childhood memories, but having little relevance to their adult
lives.
2. Parental involvement
So, will your grandchildren be Jewish? It will only happen if you
take your Jewishness seriously and set a good example for your family.
It
is one of the most beautiful and fundamental ideas of Judaism that we
teach by example. We should model primarily four things:
- Jewishly ethical behavior, which is not always the politically correct behavior
- Interest in Jewish law, as given in the Five Books of Moses, and its interpretations
- Involvement in the Jewish community and its various institutions
- Celebration of Judaism at the times and in the ways recommended by the Five Books of Moses
Foremost among parental responsibilities is the teaching of the law
to the children. The bible puts much emphasis on this. This educational
effort should be a daily feature of home life and could take the form of
discussing appropriate behavior in the young people's and in the
parents' daily activities or discussing community and national
challenges from the Jewish standpoint.
The Jewish law should permeate all of life, at home and outside.
Nobody promised that it would be easy to transmit Judaism. Dropping
off the kids
at Hebrew school and taking no interest otherwise in their studies,
talking sports or other stuff instead of the ethical challenges of the
day, and in general continuing with the watered down food, music, or
humor-based Judaism of our times is much easier. Taking your children
occasionally
to the synagogue will not do it. Even diligently following the
sensibilities of the current denominations will not do it because
present-day Judaism is not very much Jewish fundamentals oriented.
I feel that Back To Basics Judaism can raise the chances that your
grandchildren will be Jewish. In addition to that, they will be proud
Jews, proud of having something very valuable to give humanity. The
parents must convey to their children that we are part of something
important. The parents must believe this because there is no other way
for Judaism to thrive and for your grandchildren to be part of the
Jewish future.
3. Institutional Reform
Jewish institutions are not doing a good job of supporting the
survival of Judaism. Instead of raising and maintaining vital Jewish
interests, they miss valuable opportunities. Here are some
recommendations:
- Abolish "hebrew school" as we've known it. There should instead be a Family
Jewish School, offering classes for every age group and attended by the whole
family. Please see my article about JEWISH EDUCATIONAL PRIORITIES,
where I urge adults to set an example for their children in the area of lifelong
Jewish education. Parents and grandparents, are you willing to do this?
- We must seriously alter the nature of synagogue
services, by making them more
interactive and intellectually stimulating. You must demand that
your synagogue stop doing business as usual and start engaging people of
all ages. If services were more interesting, young people might
actually go of their own free will. Don't stand by and watch the
congregations crumble for lack of energy and creativity. When the
average age of your synagogue approaches seventy, you know that the
services are not appealing to younger people. How much longer must that
continue? Please see my article about PRAYER AND RELIGIOUS SERVICES.
The two foci of the service should be discussion of the weekly Torah
portion and the relationship between those teachings and personal,
community, and national issues.
Interaction between congregants is crucial. Passion is also. There
should be more singing and instruments. Even in the holy temple of
ancient Jerusalem there was plenty of music. Our services have become
extremely somber (i.e.dull) and tend to imitate the surrounding
religions.
- Jewish celebrations are not linked enough to our
values. For example, bar-mitzvahs are notoriously overdone and
apparently they are seldom successful in keeping the youth involved with
Judaism. Why is that? Unfortunately there is the feeling by the
youngster that he is "finished".The relevance of Jewish values at every
stage of his life has been underemphasized up to that point. A sense of
mission or special purpose for the Jewish people has been completely
omitted from all discussions. No wonder the child feels that there's
nothing much left to being Jewish.
Weddings are another good occasion to emphasize Jewish aspects of a
married couple's life together. The celebration should refer to a
life-long participation in the Jewish community, to Jewish love, Jewish
marriage, Jewish modesty, Jewish fidelity, and to bringing up a new
Jewish generation.. In other words, the wedding should be genuinely and
thoroughly Jewish.
- Jewish social services are an opportunity to
demonstrate the Jewish approach to charity, responsibility, justice, and
so on; but when have you seen or heard anything at such an agency that
even hints at their justification being Jewish law or acknowledges that
Judaism has a lot of specific things to say about helping the needy or
obtaining justice for all. It is politically correct these days not to
claim that our motivation is Jewish but unfortunately our helpful
inclination is still not a universal thought-pattern.
In summary, to help your grandchildren stay Jewish, demand a Judaism
that offers them simplicity, ethics, pride, and mission, and then live
your Judaism so that the grandchildren will understand more clearly what
the benefits of Judaism are.
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